Who's this Mortijingle Guy, Anyway?

Words from the High Priest of Mortijingle
K. Mark Lintz

Well, in keeping with our special Lingerie Issue, I'd meant to talk to Mortijingle about things like wedding rituals, love rites, mating calls, and display colors...but He's all wrapped up with (and around) His new girlfriend, and I can't get anything out of Him. Nothing more coherent than "Mmmmm...", anyway. Though I WILL note that He's gotten her some very nice lingerie. It's a shame it's such a bad idea to hit on the girlfriend of your patron diety.

So, I'm going to, instead, answer another question I hear all too often.

"LintKing," they ask me, "What about those great mysteries of the past...the Pyramids? Were aliens involved? Are they great power sources? Are they just really big star trackers built because the Pharaohs didn't have those little wheels with the plastic overlay? Will my wife let me back again?"

Well. All very difficult and serious questions. The truth is, Mortijinglists are great believers in the power of the pyramids.

We figure, if I convert just five followers, who each convert just five of their friends, and so on...why, we don't even need full conversions! If every one of those just gives a brief mention to Mortijingle in the middle of their prayer/ritual/virgin sacrifice/lingerie party/whatever, the faith will just come rolling in! And you can benefit too! Yes, just act now, and we will very nearly kind of GUARANTEE that you won't slip on a banana peel and die for at least a week! ABSOLUTELY FREE! (No-Slip Banana Peel Shoe Covers not included.)

*ahem* Anyway, the potential strength of the pyramids is clearly shown in the simple fact that they're basically illegal, though I must say there are a few legitimate businesses out there who strike as being modelled an awful lot like a three dimensional triangle, if you know what I mean. To answer your questions, however;

Yes, aliens were involved, though we're NOT going to specifically name MaryKay Cosmetics. We're also not going to theorize that "Tupperware" (tm) and "Tipper Gore" sound awfully similar. Hmmm...

As to being great power sources, I think I've already answered that, but I will point out that if you really look at it, the two major political parties in the U.S.A. DO kind of follow the model...

While some of them do purport to track several movie stars, and even claim to draw power from these stellar entities themselves, this has yet to be proven in a court of law.

No, and quit calling me. This is getting silly.

Hope that helps. If you have any other deep, burning questions about the nature of pyramids, or want to know how -YOU- can help, just drop me a line! Promise, I WON'T make you drag a gigantic block of stone across the desert. Not even on a horse with no name.


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j n m ( m n j )
"Something's gotta change... I'm a redhead now.
I feel so much better."
-- Chase, daughter of Flora