Astrology Inspired

Oh, come on. You believe.
No, really, you do. See, you know the tiny little gravitational pulls of stars millions and millions of light years away can affect your life in a DEEP and MEANINGFUL way. Especially those that can be seen in certain positions at the time of your birth.

It's a multimillion dollar business. THAT'S something to believe in.

Oh, alright, I'm a cynic.

BUT, I'm also Madame Mysteriologica, delver of the deep secrets, mistress of the mythological, revealer of the Real... etc. You can check out my business card later.

The makers of the Jig Noir Melt magazine have made Special Arrangements for me to reveal some of the Deep Role Playing Secrets that ONLY ASTROLOGY can reveal to you.

Look deep into my crystal ball...

What do you mean it's cheap quartz?!? I tell you! I buy only the best equipment for my business. Crystal balls are my largest tax write-off. Stop doubting; you're disturbing the vibes.

Now that we've stared at the slight flaw -- remind me never to order from the Celestial Sleazoning catalogue again... I was always nervous about that bulk magic order stuff anyways... I'm sure we're in the right mindset to consult the charts.

Shush! This is a legitimate mathematical science. Ach-oo! Sorry, the dust gets to me sometimes. Old book; see? Very respectable. Leather bound. They don't make them like they used to... shush.

Ah ha! I'm getting something. <scribble> ... aha!

ASTROLOGICAL SIGN OUTSTANDING TRAITS RPGs PREFERRED

Pisces

Adaptable, humble,
vague, secretive...
Amber and
Call of C'thulhu.

Aries

Pioneering, adventurous,
quick-tempered, selfish...
TOON and Feng Shui.

Taurus

Practical, strong-willed,
obsessed with routine, static...
Warhammer (any) and Traveller.

Gemini

Versatile, busy,
cunning, restless...
GURPS and Nightlife.

Cancer

Sensitive, sympathetic,
touchy, unforgiving...
Vampire and
Macho Women With Guns.

Leo

Magnaminous, expansive,
pompous, power-mad...
RIFTS and In Nomine.

Virgo

Discriminating, modest,
finicky, conventional...
Rolemaster and AD&D.

Libra

Harmonic, romantic,
indecisive, gullible...
Earthdawn and Changeling.

Scorpio

Powerful emotions, sense of purpose, jealous, obstinate...
Underground and Werewolf.

Sagittarius

Optimistic, scrupulous,
hyperbolistic, capricious...
Champions and TFOS.

Capricorn

Reliable, sense of humour
wet blanket, pessimistic...
Ars Magica and Paranoia.

Aquarius

Humanitarian, intellectual,
rebellious, perverse...
Shadowrun and
Dark Conspiracy.

Madame Mysteriologica collapses from the psychic effort needed to properly feel the stars' roles in gaming. "I hope you're satisfied," she murmurs. "Now I have to add in all the disclaimers."

DISCLAIMERS: Boy, we mentioned a lot of RPG names on this page. Twenty-four. And not a SINGLE trademark symbol. Well, here it is. Some of these names are trademarked their respective companies, and we are not attempting to challenge any of them. They're YOURS! We don't WANT THEM! We would like to mention that we think the idea of clamping down on any mention of their names is silly, and does not provide an atmosphere conductive to extended playing of their games.

Imagine this:
"Hi, guys. Today we're going to play a game of ______ trademark."
"Cool, _____master trademark! Can I play a _______ trademark class?"
"Only if you take a ______ trademark weapon! Be sure to research your spells ______ trademark and ______'s trademark ______ity-_____."

Look, we UNDERSTAND that the name can be the selling point. But try being a bit GAMER-friendly, and less LITIGATION-friendly, 'kay?


 <--  -->

j n m ( m n j )
"It came from... the props department!"